no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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