It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
