your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
