My hand turned me down
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize