I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
