U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
