oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
