I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
