I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
