Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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