I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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