I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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