You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
