We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
