He had one of those small greek statue penises
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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