how can u be prego again
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
