it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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