The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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