So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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