There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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