is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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