HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
