Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
