I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
