I can't watch pbs sober anymore
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I love you. Go after that dick
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
