Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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