I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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