he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
