She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize