apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
