If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
