Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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