I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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