I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
