Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
