she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Houston, we have a squirter
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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