I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
