Non-Jews are for practice
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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