There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
