maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
