Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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