dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
