Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.