He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
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This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
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Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say