mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door