i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
