ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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