the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
