Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
