Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
