I think I am morally bankrupt
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
