I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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