could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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