When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
that is very illegal...i love you.
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