I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
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Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
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You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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