I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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