so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
