She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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