My hand turned me down
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
