Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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