you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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