dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
