tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
