he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
