I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
