my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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