you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Why is your signature on my underwear?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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