areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
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the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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