I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
